Door Jokes

The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".

What does a door and a jar have in common?

They both are ajar.

What do you call a thirsty cow?

A watermeloin.. Don't worry, I remember where the door is.

What's a Henway?

Oh, you know. About 5 pounds. I'll show myself the door now.

How do diapers work?

Hnng. Aaaaaaaah. Like that. I'll show myself the door.

Why does Jesus always leave a door open for you?

Because he was born in a barn.

Why couldn't the pickle leave the bar?

Because the door was ajar!

What do fish in Jamaica smoke?

Sea-Weed. I'll show myself the door.

How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?

They just have a feel for that kind of thing.

How do mob boss mules open doors?

With Don-keys.

What food is given to ebola patients?

Pizza because it can be slipped under the door.

What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist?

Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door.

Why are fish only happy inside?

They have in-door fins

What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator?

I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knock speeds up.

How do you know when the drummer has shown up for band practice?

He won't stop banging at the door.

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite band?

The Doors.

What do you with a crazy girl knocking on your door?

You don't let her out.

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?

Matt

Why was the girl stuck in the revolving door for two weeks?

Cuz she couldn't find the door handle

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?

Someone who knocks on your door at 6 a.m. for no reason.

How do you hide an elephant in a fridge?

You remove his slippers and open the door. You put him inside. You close the door and take the slippers away.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

Who's there! Ali! Ali who?

Ali-luyah at last you've opened the door!

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?

When the door is open!

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

How do you make a door hold water?

You open it slightly so it's ajar.

Why do you need a door then?

I asked him.

What kind of bird opens doors?

A kiwi!

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?

I wouldn't fit through the door.

What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument?

The door.

What do they call a monastery key that opens all doors?

Monk key

Who knocks on doors at three in the morning?

It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

What is small, dark, and knocking at the door?

The future

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?

Run through the back door.

How do you get a hippie off your door step?

Pay for the pizza and close the door.

What was the internet like in the old days?

Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

The knocking always speeds up.

Why did the dog go into the church?

The doors were open.

Who's there! Czech! Czech who?

Czech before you open the door!

What did the knob say to the door?

I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! Skip

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs...... sitting at your door?

Matt....floating in your pool Bob....hanging on your wall Art.... water skiing Skipper.

How do you do it w/ 4 kids?

Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah.

How do you put elephant in the fridge?

Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.

What's a man's idea of a perfect date?

A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.

What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house?

When the door is open.

What does it say on the door of the Microsoft store?

No shirt, no shoes, no Surface.

What's the matter son?

The boy next door said I look just like you What did you say Nothing he's bigger than me!

Why are teachers always making answer keys?

So they can open doors of opportunity for their students.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time *door closes on way out*

Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit?

Through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say " *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*

Why should you always keep a firearm in the small room by your front door?

Foyer protection

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?

Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.

What happened when the Ape won the door prize?

He didn't take it - he already had a door!

What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors?

Unhinged

What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man?

A door to door salesman!

How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad?

You ask them to hold the door for you.

Who's there! Bettina! Bettina who?

Bettina minute you'll open this door!

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?

Matt.

What do you if there is a black out?

Make sure your doors are locked and windows bolted shut.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a high school?

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Jar Jokes More Jar Jokes

What's scarier then ten babies in one jar?

One baby in ten jars How do you got a baby in a container A: blend it.

What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made?

A nut for a jar of tuna.

Cool Jokes More Cool Jokes

Why did the hipster burn its tongue?

Beacuse he drank the coffee before it was Cool

How do you answer the door Mathematically?

Door: "What is 2+2 " Me: "4" Door: "Cool!"

2 Door Jokes More 2 Door Jokes

Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 doors they would be called chicken sedans!

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

Why couldn't Cinderella play soccer?

She always ran away from the ball

How do u get a pool table to laugh?

Tickle its balls.

Lipstick Jokes More Lipstick Jokes

How does a duck pay for lipstick?

She puts it on her bill

Why is there lipstick on your collar?

She yelled. "It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."

Clean Jokes More Clean Jokes

Where'd you get those shoes?

Me:"I've had these for years. Is that a new grill I saw " H:"Nope just cleaned the old one" *Marriage lies

Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.

Gut Jokes More Gut Jokes

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

Because he had no guts.

Why wouldn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?

Because it had no guts.

Door Jokes

What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?

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What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?

Why didn't Wilma let Fred in when he was banging at the door?

When is a door not a door?

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

What do you call a chicken coup with more than two doors?

Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween?

What did the door say to the other door?

How many men from the US swim team does it take to open a door?

What do you call a chicken coop with five doors?

What do jehovah's witnesses believe in?

Love Card

How do you open a door underwater?

What is a long room with many doors called?

What is the easiest way for a stressed astronaut to unwind and decompress?

How did Godzilla get the job opportunity?

How do you depress a room full of geeks?

Why did the gentleman hold the door?

How many dothraki does it take to open a door?

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

Why is it possible for a door to be made out of kittens?

What's the deal with the phrase "door ajar"?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars?

How can you tell if a good ole boy from North Carolina is married?

When is your door annoying?

How do you know a cat is ready to leave?

What do you call a door with no legs?

How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

How many babies does it take to open a door?

Why can nobody understand sausages when they talk???

What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke?

What kind of person are you if you open the door from the bottom of the door?

Love

How do you know if a hippo is in your oven?

Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?

What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlock the door?

Why is the door to heaven always open?

What does a Mexican Morpheus say?

How many successive 'ands' can you fit into a sentence with it still making sense?