Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.

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Why couldnt the NSA whistle blower leave Russia?

He was snowed in

Whats the last thing you give a tickle me Elmo before it leaves the factory?

Two test-tickles.

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Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks! im

Why didn't you stop at that red light?

Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

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What's Irish and sits outside?

Paddy O'furniture

What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.

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What do you call sunscreen in Ireland?

Pubs

What do you call Irish sunscreen?

A pub.

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Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.