What's Irish and sits on a porch?

Pati 'O' Furniture

This joke may have profanity.

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What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

Who's there! Answer! Answer who?

Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!

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What happened when the elephant sat on the car?

Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!

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You flip it upside down.

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How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch?

So he could bring his 'sub' on