Porch Jokes

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

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What's Irish and sits on a porch?

Pati 'O' Furniture

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

Who's there! Answer! Answer who?

Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch?

Paddy O'Furniture!

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What separates the men from the boys in the Catholic Church?

A condom.

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

Mention Jokes More Mention Jokes

What was the first mention of soccer in the Bible?

When Jesus went up for the cross.

Where is tennis mentioned in the Bible?

Where Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Neglect Jokes More Neglect Jokes

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

Philosophy Jokes More Philosophy Jokes

What do you call a homeless college student?

A philosophy major

Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?

They don't find them Hume-erous.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

What's white in the morning, white in the afternoon and white in the evening?

An Irishman trying to get a tan.

Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?

One to get in and one to get out.

Guitar Player Jokes More Guitar Player Jokes

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Why was the cat scared of the tree?

Because of its bark

What does a cat in the desert and Christmas have in common?

They both have Sandy Claws.

Pool Player Jokes More Pool Player Jokes

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A-cue-stick.

What country has the highest concentration of pool players?

Irack.