Porch Jokes

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

Who's there! Answer! Answer who?

Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch?

Paddy O'Furniture!

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Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What kind of bird lays electric eggs?

A battery hen!

How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Acknowledge Jokes More Acknowledge Jokes

What did the mathematician's apprentice say when he didn't get acknowledged?

Notice me sin()!!!

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

How to make an idiot curious?

I'll post the answer tomorrow.

What is not the answer to this question?

Not this.

Harvard Jokes More Harvard Jokes

How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What's your five-year goal?

Me: Paid administrative leave.

What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Musician Jokes More Musician Jokes

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?

Violists.

Pool Player Jokes More Pool Player Jokes

What kind of guitar did the pool player own?

A-cue-stick.

What country has the highest concentration of pool players?

Irack.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why didn't the pig have to pay for drinks on the cruise?

It was all-oink-lusive.

Why didn't the fiddler have to pay for anything?

Because it was all on the house