Porch Jokes

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

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What's Irish and sits on a porch?

Pati 'O' Furniture

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

Who's there! Answer! Answer who?

Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch?

Paddy O'Furniture!

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Pizza Jokes More Pizza Jokes

What's the best thing to put into a pizza?

Your teeth.

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

Dead Body Jokes More Dead Body Jokes

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Where do Crows hang out on a Friday nght?

At a crow bar.

How do you catch King Kong?

Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

Neglect Jokes More Neglect Jokes

Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

Mention Jokes More Mention Jokes

Where is tennis mentioned in the Bible?

Where Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Why should you never mention the number 288?

Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What has four legs and several fins?

A happy bear!

What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?

A sentrypede.

Irish Guy Jokes More Irish Guy Jokes

What do you call the Irish guy who always brings flan to the potluck?

Shaun O'flanagan

Irish Man Jokes More Irish Man Jokes

Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.