Irishman Jokes

How did the Irishman get arthritis?

By craic-ing his knuckles.

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What do you tell an Irishman if you catch him urinating?

European.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his bean soup?

Because one more would be too farty

Why did the Irishman put 239 beans in the soup pot?

Because any more would be too farty.

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?

Because one more would have been too farty.

Why did the Irishman only want 239 beans in his soup?

Because one more would be too farty.

What does a cynical Irishman drink?

Whiskey sour

How does a German call an Irishman?

Komm, Sean!

What's white in the morning, white in the afternoon and white in the evening?

An Irishman trying to get a tan.

What do you call an Irishman who studies dinosaurs?

A paleontologist.

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Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?

They both don't drive tractors.

How do Russians drive to Alaska?

By bearing straight

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

What did the koala bear say to the barber?

You ca-lip this

What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

Bean Soup Jokes More Bean Soup Jokes

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his bean soup?

Because one more would be too farty

Why are there only two hundred and thirty nine beans in a bowl of bean soup?

Because just one more and it would be two-farty

Wall Jokes More Wall Jokes

Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning?

Because he can't see through the wall.

What did the painting on the wall say to the cop?

I've been framed!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

Confuse Jokes More Confuse Jokes

How do you confuse an AP student?

Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C.

What do you call someone who confuses Emma Stone and Mila Kunis in a movie?

A bad judge of character.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What is a witch's least favorite food?

Burnt steak.

What do you call a politician in a house fire?

Burning Sanders!

E Jokes More E Jokes

What do you call an Internet mystery?

An e-nigma.

Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?

She was always using fowl language.