Why did the arborist plant new pine trees on their front lawn?

To spruce things up a bit.

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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What is the only thing standing between me and being rich?

I haven't hit Reddit gold yet.

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What did the plant say to the vegan?

Leaf me alone.

What did the botanist say to the plant he was tired of tending to?

Grow away.

Lawn Jokes More Lawn Jokes

What will fall on the lawn first?

An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue

What did God say to Jesus?

This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.