Dead Body Jokes

What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

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What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon Go.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Where can you find tetraplegics?

Where you left them.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

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Who's Irish and sleeps on your porch?

Paddy O'Furniture!

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

What did the police officer want from the criminal store?

Just ice.

What did Harry Potter order when he went to the bar?

Expecto-Patron-On-Ice

Select Jokes More Select Jokes

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Plank Jokes More Plank Jokes

What did the emu say to the nurse?

Mend her bones or walk the plank

Cemetery Jokes More Cemetery Jokes

What's so cool about cemeteries?

I don't get it. People are dying to get in them.

Why are most cemeteries fenced in?

Because everyone is dying to get in

Google Jokes More Google Jokes

What's the meaning of life?

Why don't you google it?

Which internet search engine does Chandler from Friends use?

Google, like everybody does.

Prize Jokes More Prize Jokes

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!