Musician Jokes

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

A drummer!!!!!

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?

He was conducting.

What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

Why are some musicians so antisocial?

Because all they want is tonics and dominance.

Why can you trust a musician?

Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What kind of investments do musicians make?

Sound investments.

What did the musician say when he went back in time?

I'll be Bach.

Why was the piano invented?

So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

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Which musician is the most generous?

Cher

What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called?

A singer

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

What do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

How do you get a musician off of your porch?

You pay for the pizza.

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of 4.

What's the difference between a musician and a large cheese pizza?

A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.

Why was the musician arrested?

He got in treble.

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?

Violists.

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb 2 to turn the ladder and 17 to be on the guest list.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party?

I'll be Bach.

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning...

Why did they arrest the musician?

He got into treble.

What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?

The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds.

What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?

An Algo-rhythm.

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

How did the musician catch his fish?

He castanet

What do you call it when one musician abuses another?

An act of violins.

How does a musician make a million dollars?

They start with 2 million.

What do you call an emperor who's also a musician?

A rock-czar

What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?

Drummers.

Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

He always had treble finding his keys!

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

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What is the syndrome that endangers the dental well-being of over-anxious or stressed-out LGBT's?

Brucism

Why did Ben seem so down?

Because he has down syndrome

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Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that.

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

What do you call 3 Irish tree surgeons?

Tree fellas

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Compose Jokes More Compose Jokes

What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

Why did the fish sink?

This joke composed by my seriously autistic friend Neil, who LOVES jokes) Because it was a brick.

Musician Car Jokes More Musician Car Jokes

How do you reduce wind-drag on a musician's car?

Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof

How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

You take the pizza delivery sign off

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What's gray squeaky and hangs around in caves?

Stalagmice!

What did one earring say to the other?

You go on a head, i'll just hang round 'ere

Jazz Jokes More Jazz Jokes

What's the difference between rock and jazz?

Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.

What do you call a pachyderm that sings jazz?

Elephants Gerald

P Jokes More P Jokes

Why can't Charlie Sheen finish the alphabet?

Because when he gets to 'P' it burns.

What does a pterodactyl have in common with a urinal?

P in front of it