Musician Jokes

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

A drummer!!!!!

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?

He was conducting.

What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

Why are some musicians so antisocial?

Because all they want is tonics and dominance.

Why can you trust a musician?

Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What kind of investments do musicians make?

Sound investments.

What did the musician say when he went back in time?

I'll be Bach.

Why was the piano invented?

So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

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Which musician is the most generous?

Cher

What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called?

A singer

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

What do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

How do you get a musician off of your porch?

You pay for the pizza.

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of 4.

What's the difference between a musician and a large cheese pizza?

A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.

Why was the musician arrested?

He got in treble.

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?

Violists.

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb 2 to turn the ladder and 17 to be on the guest list.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party?

I'll be Bach

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning...

Why did they arrest the musician?

He got into treble.

What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?

The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds.

What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?

An Algo-rhythm.

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

How did the musician catch his fish?

He castanet

What do you call it when one musician abuses another?

An act of violins.

How does a musician make a million dollars?

They start with 2 million.

What do you call an emperor who's also a musician?

A rock-czar

What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?

Drummers.

Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

He always had treble finding his keys!

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

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Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

What are you reading?

Pupil: I dunno! Teacher: But you're reading aloud! Pupil: But I'm not listening!

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

Where do the Chinese study?

In the Pupils republic of China

Why do Chinese workers work so hard?

Because their companies are always short-staffed.

Chinese Restaurant Jokes More Chinese Restaurant Jokes

What happens in a chinese restaurant when the power goes out?

It'll dim sum

What type of music do they play at Chinese Restaurants?

Wok n' Roll

14 Inch Jokes More 14 Inch Jokes

What is white and 14 inches long?

Nothing.

What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

Rehearse Jokes More Rehearse Jokes

Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that.

P Jokes More P Jokes

Why can't Charlie Sheen finish the alphabet?

Because when he gets to 'P' it burns.

Why was 'EE' acting so funny?

He needed to 'P'

Hipster Jokes More Hipster Jokes

Why don't hipsters shoot heroin?

It's too mainstream

What s the weight of a hipster?

One Insta-gramm

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Who plays those kind of jokes anymore?

You're scaring my wife. She's only 12, jeez.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan v Juan