What's Irish and sits on a porch?

Pati 'O' Furniture

This joke may have profanity.

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How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

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What did the Triceratops sit on?

Its Tricerabottom.

What do you call a pig sitting on a hog?

Usually they prefer to be called "officer"

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One person.

What's Irish and sits out in the rain?

Paddy o' Furniture