Student Jokes

What is the difference between 1 Gb and 2 Gb?

Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?

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What did the dance instructor say to her student when the student wanted to use her bathroom?

Skip to my loo.

How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what students are for.

Why can't student loan get a girlfriend?

Because he is forever a loan.

Why are you late?

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

Why are you Late Today?

Teacher: Why are you Late Today? Student: Because of sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Student: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

How many teachers does it take to solve algebra?

None, that's what students are for.

Why did the student fail the exam?

Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin

What does a calculus teacher say when a student doesn't get it?

Bro, do you even function?

Why is your paper blank?

Teacher: Why is your paper blank? Student: Sometimes silence is the best answer!

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Why didn't the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting?

He knew that some of them wouldn't miss the blind...

What did the Spanish teacher say to his one student, who was a member of the cartel?

Where is my essay?

What did the pre-school math teacher have to say about her students?

Every single one counts.

What's the difference between white socks and red socks?

Students will most likely answer the color) Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another: The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!

What did the choir teacher say to the student who asked to use the bathroom?

Of chorus.

A student used to give his teacher some raisins everyday. He kept giving them for 3 months straight. Then one day he did not give raisins to his teacher. And his teacher asked him "Where are the raisins today?", and the boy said "My rabbit died."

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins.

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF file.

Why did the students need a ladder to get into school?

It was a high school.

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Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

Who built the first American car?

Student: "Me Pilgrims." Teacher: "The Pilgrims " Student: "Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact."

What is science?

Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science Student: science is our Lesson for today.

What is an independent variable?

Student: A variable who don't need no man

What is the value of Pi?

Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

What is the formula for water?

Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

What do you call a group of students?

A school.

What is "attempted theft" exactly?

I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for "attempted plagiarism"