Sign Jokes

What do you call it when someone leaves at the first sign of a hurricane?

A premature evacuation.

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

You take the pizza delivery sign off

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom.

What do you call an expert that studies sign language?

A signtist!

Why are you Late Today?

Teacher: Why are you Late Today? Student: Because of sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Student: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

What does a War Boy from Mad Max say when he goes to court to sign an affidavit?

WITNESS ME!

What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.

How many controlled oposition does it take to change a light bulb?

None you know of. Since they signed a Non Disclosure Agreement to not talk about it.

What instrument did the famous dog use to sign his autographs?

A Shar-Pei

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

What are three signs old age?

1. Becoming forgetful

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How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards?

I wub wub wub you....

Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?

From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Don't Walk."

Why does your sign say "Fine Dining"?

Waiter: We can dream can't we

What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?

Republicans sign their checks on the front, and Democrats sign on the back.

What sign did the mother put up in her neighbourhood when she realized her child's IQ was below average?

SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING

How do sheep sign their e-mails?

Ewes sincerely.

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why did the feminist sign up for football?

She wanted to be the center of attention.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

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Why do you when you sign to a Dating site?

More bang for your buck!!!! (Wow, that was bad)

What did the sign say on the abandoned nuclear reactor?

Gone fission

How about an autograph mate?

Sure." He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him.

What color are apples?

BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors

Why are you late Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late Joseph: The sign said "School Ahead Go Slow!"

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"

Why should trees never sign birthday cards?

Because they're always so *Sappy*!

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back

What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign 'Clean Washroom'?

He cleaned it!

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom!

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Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?

What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?

I wouldn't fit through the door.

Stop Sign Jokes More Stop Sign Jokes

Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?

I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.

What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?

The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What did JayZ say to the theoretical mathematician?

I feel sorry for you son, I got 99 problems but you got imaginary ones

How does a booze thief make you feel better?

He lifts your spirits.

Joseph Jokes More Joseph Jokes

Why are you late Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late Joseph: The sign said "School Ahead Go Slow!"

Why did the Cold War never happen?

Because Joseph was Stalin.

Arrive Jokes More Arrive Jokes

What do you call that feeling when the bus finally arrives?

A peasantfeeling

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Banner Jokes More Banner Jokes

Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense?

You are the banner of my existence.

What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs?

Banner.

Student Jokes More Student Jokes

Why can't student loan get a girlfriend?

Because he is forever a loan.

How many teachers does it take to solve algebra?

None, that's what students are for.

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?

But they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

What's with those clogs you keep wearing?

I replied, "Wooden shoe like to know."