How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

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How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson?

It's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in.

What's wrongdad?

Dad: I told you, my head hurts. Son: This is why mom left.

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What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

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What gives a ghost the right to haunt people?

A haunting license

What did Noah tell his son while they were fishing?

Better get this right, I only have 2 worms.