Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.

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What would you guys like to ask an American?

Nevermind they'll just tell you anyway

How do you tell if someone's balls are sensitive?

Give them a test-tickle

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What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

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What is the Rebel Alliance's least favorite month?

The Imperial March.

When did mathematicians get their independence?

March 14.

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Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.

What day do soldiers hate the most?

March Fourth