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Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.

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How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky?

He's got one clean finger!

Why can't you tell pun jokes to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally

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How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?

Son: I don't know they haven't taught us how to read yet!

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Why are the streets in Paris lined with trees?

So the German soldiers can march in shade.

What did the physics professor shout when he disproved Hooke's Law in early to mid March?

Spring break!

March Fourth Jokes More March Fourth Jokes

What day do soldiers hate the most?

March Fourth

Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.