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Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What are cooking for us today?

Dingo: I'm making my famous baby coleslaw

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

What did the bunny ask his boss for?

A raise in *celery*.

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What do you call a banana you want tomorrow in Spanish?

Baana

What is a depressed German with Celiac disease unlikely to have tomorrow?

A Gluten Morgan

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

Whenever I get to a restaurant and they say there is a wait I say "do you know who I am?

Because while I wait I like to be introspective