Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

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Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What's not 50% off today?

Health insurance

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

Iraq the dishes in the dish rack and Iran the dishwasher

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What's a procrastinator's favorite punchline?

I'll tell you tomorrow

What do you say to a lady that has to make 100 shirts by tomorrow?

You seamstressed

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What are you typing?

Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It's not that Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!" -Google.

What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights