Boss Jokes

What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

Iraq the dishes in the dish rack and Iran the dishwasher

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What do you call a nerd after highschool?

Boss

What did the table fan say to his boss when he couldn't get to work on time?

Ah-so-late!

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise.

Why did you call off yesterday?

Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now.

Why are u home so early?

Hubby: "My boss said go to hell!"

What did the stressed-out casino worker say to their boss?

I literally cannot deal.

When your boss asks you "do I look stupid to you?

It's a rhetorical question I know this now

What do you call the boss hit by a shrink ray?

Micromanagement!

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What did the drunk say when his boss enquired about his availability?

Yeah, I'm av**ale**able.

Why does the boss put clocks under employee's desk?

Because he wanted them to work over-time

Why does a man only get half-hour lunch-breaks?

So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.

What did the bunny ask his boss for?

A raise in *celery*.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Why are you home so early?

Me: My boss told me to go to hell

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me!

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

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Why doesn't Superman need a boss?

OC) He already has supervision.

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Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Where do bees keep their money?

In a honey box.

What will you be using the money for?

Me: "A divorce lawyer."

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why Was The Canvas Maker Late Home From Work?

He had to close a sail.

Why is it hard to work at an apple pie factory?

They have such a high turnover rate.

Reindeer Jokes More Reindeer Jokes

What's the difference between a reindeer and a caribou?

Caribou can't fly.

Which reindeer have the shortest legs?

The smallest ones.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How does someone pay for a painting?

With Monet

How do you pay for incense?

In cents

Skin Jokes More Skin Jokes

How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest?

A bomb vest does something when triggered.

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

Elf Jokes More Elf Jokes

How do elves spell?

With an elfabet.

What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

Why is the dog man's best friend?

He has to have someone to blame the farts on.

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)