Boss Jokes

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

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What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

Iraq the dishes in the dish rack and Iran the dishwasher

What do you call a nerd after highschool?

Boss

What did the table fan say to his boss when he couldn't get to work on time?

Ah-so-late!

Why was my boss surprised to see me screwing with the IT guy?

They said IT couldn't be done

Why did the geologist quit his job?

His boss always took him for granite.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise.

Who else is watching and laughing their a$$ off?

Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss

Why did you call off yesterday?

Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now.

What should i do now?

To which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else!"

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Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

Why are u home so early?

Hubby: "My boss said go to hell!"

What did the stressed-out casino worker say to their boss?

I literally cannot deal.

When your boss asks you "do I look stupid to you?

It's a rhetorical question I know this now

What do you call the boss hit by a shrink ray?

Micromanagement!

What did the drunk say when his boss enquired about his availability?

Yeah, I'm av**ale**able.

What's wrong with them?

His boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming to work today."

Why does the boss put clocks under employee's desk?

Because he wanted them to work over-time

Why does a man only get half-hour lunch-breaks?

So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.

Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk?

Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave

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What did the bunny ask his boss for?

A raise in *celery*.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Why are you home so early?

Me: My boss told me to go to hell

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me!

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

Why doesn't Superman need a boss?

OC) He already has supervision.

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Age Jokes More Age Jokes

How does French cheese expire?

From age

What's white, plastic, and not suitable for ages 5 and under?

Michael Jackson

Spot Jokes More Spot Jokes

What's the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time!

Why can a Cheetah not hide?

Because it's always spotted.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why couldn't Bach pay for his dinner?

Because he was Baroque.

How will you be paying, sir?

Check mate"..

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

What would you call it if pigs were flying yesterday?

Swine flu

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.