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What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What's 18 inches and makes women SCREAM?

A stillborn.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why don't you hear any knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

When you tell Optimus Prime a joke, what do you hear?

Vehicular man's laughter

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

What happens when a woman can't remember her mastectomy?

Mammary loss &ampnbsp I made this up myself!

What does Imperator Furiosa like to click when she logs into a website?

REMEMBER ME!!!!!!!!!!

Claim Jokes More Claim Jokes

Why does everyone claim that Steve Bannon is such a crazy guy?

He seems alt-right!

How did Mitt Romney get a 14% tax rate?

He claimed 47% of America as dependents.

Sock Jokes More Sock Jokes

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?

Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

Sperm Jokes More Sperm Jokes

What is long, hard and full of sperm?

The sock under my bed.

What do politicians and sperm have in common?

About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human.

12 Inch Jokes More 12 Inch Jokes

Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

What's white, hard, and 12 inches long?

Nothing.

Ownership Jokes More Ownership Jokes

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.