What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?

A horse!

What did Josh say when asked if his sister was good in bed?

I Duggar.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?

They have to use their Endor voices.

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

And whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why do American tourists talk so loudly?

So that they can hear each other over their clothes

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

How do pianists remember which groceries to buy?

They use a Chopin Liszt!

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them!

Claim Jokes More Claim Jokes

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

A liar.

Sock Jokes More Sock Jokes

Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two?

In case he got a hole in one.

Why do all the best golfers keeping buying socks?

They get a hole in one!

Sperm Jokes More Sperm Jokes

What does a sperm and a politician have in common?

They both have a one in 100 million chance of being human.

What do you call the first sperm that reaches the egg?

The ova achiever

12 Inch Jokes More 12 Inch Jokes

What is white, 12 inches long, and not a fluorescent light bulb?

Nothing.

What's white, hard, and 12 inches long?

Nothing.

Ownership Jokes More Ownership Jokes

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)