What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How long does Charlie Sheen last in bed?

Two and a half minutes.

Where can you find Jhene Aiko at Bed Peace?

At bed, blunt, and beyond. Bada tssss. I tried.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

Why did Helen Keller scream?

Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night?

A stillborn

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why are elephants wiser than chickens?

Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant!

Why did the little pig hide the soap?

He heard the farmer yell "Hogwash!"

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

Uh.. I don't remember..

Why do bees hum?

Because they can't remember the lyrics

Claim Jokes More Claim Jokes

How did Mitt Romney get a 14% tax rate?

He claimed 47% of America as dependents.

Which wiki do dyslexic pastry chefs claim to be trying to visit before getting arrested?

Www.filopedia.org

Sock Jokes More Sock Jokes

Why did the ghoul knit herself three socks?

Because she grew another foot.

Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?

He got a hole in one.

Sperm Jokes More Sperm Jokes

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?

So he can tell if he is coming or going.

12 Inch Jokes More 12 Inch Jokes

What's white and 12 inches long?

Absolutely nothing.

Why isn't my hand 12 inches?

Because then it would be a foot

Ownership Jokes More Ownership Jokes

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)