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Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

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Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Why are you crying?

Me: You just crushed all the Oreo's in my fanny pack

Why was the cookie crying?

Because it's mom was a wafer so long.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night?

Wild Twerky!

Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?

Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?

She was wearing mittens

Condom Jokes More Condom Jokes

What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?

Finding a condom in your hole!

What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?

McRibbed

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why don't you wear snow boots?

Because they'll melt.

Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?

Because he wanted to look mptnt

Dinner Jokes More Dinner Jokes

Why didn't the Native Americans go out to dinner?

They lost their reservations.

What do sea monsters have for dinner?

Fish and ships.

Daddy Jokes More Daddy Jokes

What did the Mississippi girl say when she lost her virginity?

Get off me Daddy you're crushin' my cigarettes.

What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver?

Daddy.

Wish Jokes More Wish Jokes

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

Yay Jokes More Yay Jokes

What noise does a ceiling fan make?

GO CEILING!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! YOUR NUMBER ONE!! YAY, CEILING RULES!!!

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!