President Jokes

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

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What do you call a president who interrupts people?

Donald Tr- WRONG!

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

What President of the United States smells the worst?

The-Odor-e Roosevelt.

What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

Americas already got two running for president.

Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

Cuz he's Biden his time.

Why do you want to run for President?

Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.

Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president?

Because he doesn't do cardio.

What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President?

West wing

What would you call the Easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?

Weekend at Bernie's.

What does it take to be a president of Russia?

Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

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Where does the President keep his armies?

In his Baracks

What one noun, verb, and US President sums up a scientist's hopes and fears?

Grant.

Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave?

Deputin

Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

So there won't be a World War III.

What does the president of Russia call his toilet?

Vladimir's Poo Tin

What do call the President of Russia with an upset stomach?

Vladimir Poopin

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

Why didn't the President fight with the chair?

Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.

How did the puppeteer meet the President?

He pulled some strings.

Which president was famous for his long pauses?

Ellipsis S. Grant.

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What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What do you call a foreign born communist running for President?

Ted Cruz

Who says Republicans aren't into recycling?

Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

A son Bern

Which president likes doing laundry?

George WASHING-A-TON. He's the 8 year old white Kevin Hart.

Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba?

He didn't want to play second fidel

Who should we vote for the next president?

Gabe Newell. There will never be a World War 3.

What does it take to be a president?

Nothing

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

The second one!

Why is Hillary running for President?

Because it's easier than running from the law.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

What do you call a president crossing the road?

A presidestrian

What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

Which President had the shortest term?

Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty second President.

Who was the last President of China?

Yes he was.

Who is the president of the trees?

BarkOak Palma

Which bird ran for President?

H. Ross Parrot

Who would you like for president in 2020?

Anyone who doesn't have poor visions.

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

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Vice President Jokes More Vice President Jokes

Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

Cuz he's Biden his time.

Why isn't the Vice President running for the Democratic Nomination this year?

He's Biden his time.

U. S. Jokes More U. S. Jokes

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

Radio Shack Jokes More Radio Shack Jokes

4 Year Jokes More 4 Year Jokes

How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it

How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it

Elect Jokes More Elect Jokes

What do you call a dog who got re-elected for mayor?

A dog with pawlitical experience.

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

Presidency Jokes More Presidency Jokes

What do you call a show about The Donald winning the presidency?

Orange is the New Black

Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a shower thought and a joke?

I don't know you tell me.

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What is the Revenant about?

The unbearable lengths one man will go to get his revenge and win an Oscar.

Who won the international race?

It was a Thai.