President Jokes

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

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What do you call a president who interrupts people?

Donald Tr- WRONG!

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

What President of the United States smells the worst?

The-Odor-e Roosevelt.

What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

Americas already got two running for president.

Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

Cuz he's Biden his time.

Why do you want to run for President?

Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories.

Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president?

Because he doesn't do cardio.

What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President?

West wing

What would you call the Easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?

Weekend at Bernie's.

What does it take to be a president of Russia?

Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

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Where does the President keep his armies?

In his Baracks

What one noun, verb, and US President sums up a scientist's hopes and fears?

Grant.

Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave?

Deputin

Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

So there won't be a World War III.

What does the president of Russia call his toilet?

Vladimir's Poo Tin

What do call the President of Russia with an upset stomach?

Vladimir Poopin

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

Why didn't the President fight with the chair?

Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.

How did the puppeteer meet the President?

He pulled some strings.

Which president was famous for his long pauses?

Ellipsis S. Grant.

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What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What do you call a foreign born communist running for President?

Ted Cruz

Who says Republicans aren't into recycling?

Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again.

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

A son Bern

Which president likes doing laundry?

George WASHING-A-TON. He's the 8 year old white Kevin Hart.

Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba?

He didn't want to play second fidel

Who should we vote for the next president?

Gabe Newell. There will never be a World War 3.

What does it take to be a president?

Nothing

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

The second one!

Why is Hillary running for President?

Because it's easier than running from the law.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

What do you call a president crossing the road?

A presidestrian

What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

Which President had the shortest term?

Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty second President.

Who was the last President of China?

Yes he was.

Who is the president of the trees?

BarkOak Palma

Which bird ran for President?

H. Ross Parrot

Who would you like for president in 2020?

Anyone who doesn't have poor visions.

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

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Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

Why did the barber win the race?

He took a short cut.

2020 Vision Jokes More 2020 Vision Jokes

Where do you see yourself in three years?

Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision

Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

Cent Jokes More Cent Jokes

How much did the critic tip the waitor?

Two cents

Why was the anomaly so poor?

Because it didn't make any cents!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the horse that ate a duracell battery?

He went on furlong-er.

What happened when the cow tried to milk itself?

It was an udder catastrophe.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What's the difference between a toilet and a sink?

Aaaand you're not allowed in my house anymore.

Why did Rembrandt lose his house?

Because he was *Baroque*.

Biden Jokes More Biden Jokes

What does Joe Biden say as he is leaving his house?

Biden

Why isn't the Vice President running for the Democratic Nomination this year?

He's Biden his time.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What's the difference between spider man and Superman?

Peter Parker can shoot webs. Clark Kent.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

Orange Jokes More Orange Jokes

What's the difference between an orange?

One of them doesn't.

What do you call a made-up orange?

Pulp Fiction!