What does it take to be a president of Russia?

Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

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What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?

Tsardines!

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia?

He was snowed in.

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Why do presidents have unsatisfied wives?

It takes four years to get an election.

Which bird ran for President?

H. Ross Parrot