What does it take to be a president of Russia?

Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

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Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.

Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave?

Deputin

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How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once?

Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.