Elect Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

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What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States?

We wouldn't have to pay her as much.

How do you get elected president of my pants?

By the vote of the Erectional College...

Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

So there won't be a World War III.

How do you know Bernie Sanders got elected?

All your stuff has been donated to charity

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

A son Bern

What do you call the first black guy elected to the White House?

Precedent.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

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Madeleine Mc Cann Jokes More Madeleine Mc Cann Jokes

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Fece Jokes More Fece Jokes

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?

On the Origin of Feces*

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

Because he was going *to fast*!

How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knock speeds up.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius?

Fur Elise

What do you call a dyslexic insomniac philosopher?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

News Jokes More News Jokes

How did the wasps take that news?

God: Err...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

Clown Jokes More Clown Jokes

What do you call a midget clown that juggles?

A Juggalo

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election?

Pardon me

Why couldn't Hillary win the election?

Women only win.7 votes for every one a man wins.

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

What is the quietest place on Earth?

The complaint department at a parachute packing company.