News Jokes

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

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Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

How did the wasps take that news?

God: Err...

Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Why does the news keep telling people the pilot was depressed?

Does any of this really matter...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does a National Geographic magazine or a JC Penney catalog have in common?

Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.

How to tell the difference between a bad, a good and an excellent accountant?

When you ask them "2+2 is?":

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What do you call your Mexican friend living in Oklahoma?

Your Oklahomie.

What does your mother do for a living?

She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

Doctor Dolittle

Madeleine Mc Cann Jokes More Madeleine Mc Cann Jokes

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

How do you stop ISIS?

Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee?

Decapitated

Gonorrhea Jokes More Gonorrhea Jokes

What do you call gonorrhea that takes a long time to show up?

Slow clap.

What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea?

Getting the news from your dentist

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

What happens when Keemstar and Ricegum have a baby?

He's born with Diss-lexia

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What movie aspect ratio do cats prefer?

Litterbox.

Why did the cat give birth at the park?

Because the sign at the park said "Fine for Littering"