News Jokes

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Why does the news keep telling people the pilot was depressed?

Does any of this really matter...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What do you call a bear that's not drunk?

So-Bear!

What does Rupert the Bear and Jack the Ripper have in common?

Same middle name!

Adopt Jokes More Adopt Jokes

Where's Frank?

Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now.

What do you call an adopted ghost?

Transparent

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

What can walk over the water, but can travel under the water without getting wet?

Jesus in a submarine.

What travels around the world but stays in one corner?

A stamp.

Doc Jokes More Doc Jokes

What's Up Doc?

By Howie Dewin

What did the grad students call the new Asian post-doc?

The Yellow Fellow.

Racehorse Jokes More Racehorse Jokes

Why is a racehorse like a letter?

They both begin a trip at the post!

What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?

They're both off and running.

Michael Jokes More Michael Jokes

How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking?

Michael

Good News Jokes More Good News Jokes

Why is it good news that Aroldis Chapman moved to the Yankees?

Because pitchers don't hit in the American League!

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

Polar Bear Jokes More Polar Bear Jokes

Whats the saddest thing about global warming/iceberg melting?

Polar bears won't be able to keep their cokes cold.

What do polar bears have for lunch?

Ice burger!