News Jokes

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Why does the news keep telling people the pilot was depressed?

Does any of this really matter...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why wasn't the patient concerned when she was told she had a brain tumor?

The doctor said it was all in her head

Why didn't the patient sue the dentist for pulling the wrong tooth?

Because it was accidental.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling?

He wanted to hang with his family.

What Type of Fruit Wants to Run Away and Get Married but Isn't Able to?

Cantelope.

Fox News Jokes More Fox News Jokes

What about Fox News?

They haven't shown a fox in months. (Craig Ferguson)

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

Adopt Jokes More Adopt Jokes

What did the Pilipino orphan boy say to the linguist who wanted to adopt him?

I'll tagalog!

Where's Frank?

Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now.

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer...

What's the easiest way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer

Gonorrhea Jokes More Gonorrhea Jokes

What do you call it when your diarrhea finally goes away?

Gonorrhea.

What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea?

Getting the news from your dentist

Race Jokes More Race Jokes

Why couldn't the radish finish the race?

He was just a little beet.

Which cat won the race?

The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

Fake News Jokes More Fake News Jokes

What's the difference between "Fake News" and CNN?

I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you