Race Jokes

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

Why does Lichtenstien never lose a race?

Because nothing is faster then Liecht!

What's the same about Mexican and Black people?

Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal. (Sorry if you're offended, I love all races.)

What did one fish say to the other during the race?

I'M GOING TILAPIA!!!

What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?

We're walking four abreast.

What do you call an alligator that wins a race?

A chompion. (7-year old me thought he was very clever.)

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Who won the race?

Society.

Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race?

A. Because all his friends shout "GO-RILLA!"

Why can't Sweden win a race?

Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

What do you call a race run by baristas?

A **decaf**alon

Why don't gelding horses like to race?

Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".

How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.

Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race?

He couldn't get a head.

Why can't mites race in NASCAR?

Because mites make rights, not lefts.

Why did the unicycle win the race?

Because the bicycle was two tired.

What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs?

An arms race.

Who won the race between two balls of string?

They we're tied!

What did the communist say at the beginning of the race?

On your Marx, get set, go!

Why is horse racing so romantic?

Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!

What does a color blind racist say?

I don't see color I see race

How do fireflies start a race?

Ready steady glow!

Which cat won the race?

The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

Why did the fastest animal on earth got disqualified on the race?

Because it is using steroids.

Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?

Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet...

How do all races end in the desert?

In a cacti!

What colour T-shirt would win a race?

Red, because it runs the most.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?

It ended in a tie.

Why did the barber win the race?

He took a short cut.

Why didn’t the orange win the race?

It ran out of juice.

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Human Jokes More Human Jokes

What separates animals from humans?

The Mediterranean.

Why are fish cleverer than humans?

Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

Libya Jokes More Libya Jokes

Lap Jokes More Lap Jokes

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?

Lap-top!

Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps?

Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0)

Finnish Jokes More Finnish Jokes

Where does a race on the Swedish border end at?

The Finnish line.

What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers funeral?

She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why did Cinderella get kicked off her soccer team?

She kept running away from the ball.

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?

Hide their trainers.

Siamese Twin Jokes More Siamese Twin Jokes

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

New Zealand Jokes More New Zealand Jokes

Thai Jokes More Thai Jokes

Which southeast Asian drink is more popular, the iced tea or the coffee?

Neither. It's a Thai.

Why do certain Asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance?

Because they are Thai fighters.