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Human Jokes

Why do humans mainly use the decimal number system?

It's just what we tend to do

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Which race is the most racist?

The human one.

What does IS call the evolutionary theory that humans are descended from the ape family?

Boko Harambe

What do you call a fight between a human and a gorilla?

A harumble.

What's the similarity of a dough and a human?

If they are thick, they have a hard time to rise

What do you call a human that's now a cactus?

A transplant.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.

Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can! Why can't humans?

Because they'll bite us!

What does Math stand for?

Mental Abuse To Humans

How much does a Human shield cost?

One life

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

Love Card

Love Card

What is it that separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean Sea

How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?

None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark

What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer?

Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

Lettuce pray

Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?

Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human.

Why did Prince Eric leave Ariel when she became a human?

He was just chasing tail.

What do politicians and sperm have in common?

About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human.

What do men and sperm have in common?

They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How do industrial robots communicate with humans?

They use a conveyor belt.

What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common?

A 1 in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

What do cars and humans have in common?

We both burn gas.

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

What do you call a dog that can walk on its hind legs all the time?

A human.

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

Where are the humans?

We left them" AL: Why "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"

What do you get when you cross........ the DNA of a human with the DNA of a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

Which animal makes the best pie?

A human.

What separates animals from humans?

The Mediterranean.

What helps humans get laid but is deadly for fish?

Pick up lines

Love

Love

What game do monsters play with humans?

Squash.

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Invade Jokes More Invade Jokes

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?

First, invade ze kitchen...

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between ice and dry ice?

Dry ice lacks of water.

What's the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo

Eighty Year Jokes More Eighty Year Jokes

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

What's the difference between a week-old human and a weak, old human?

About eighty years

Race Jokes More Race Jokes

What race of horses is the most popular on Pandora?

Neightiri.

Why would Superman have won any race he ran against Roy Roger's dog?

Because he was faster than a speeding Bullet...

Enslave Jokes More Enslave Jokes

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

How woke?

Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What is the point of owning a fish?

They are just furniture with the ability to die.

Why was the fish processing factory built beside the computer factory?

So that they could make fish and chips.

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

Why did Gandhi lose the race?

I guess he got his fasts mixed up.

What do you get when when you mix cocaine and LSD?

Time

Aids Jokes More Aids Jokes

What's the gift that keeps on giving?

AIDS

What's the worst part about getting AIDS?

Having to tell your friend his kids should get tested.