Lap Jokes

How do you exorcise a demon?

Make him run a lap then do 10 push-ups and sit-ups

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How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap?

You did that on porpoise

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.

Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps?

Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0)

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?

Lap-top!

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Nun Jokes More Nun Jokes

What do you call a nun who's drinking a pint?

Catholic

What's black, white and red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the stock market and women?

With the stock market you can only lose when you pull out.

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

Creep Jokes More Creep Jokes

What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To keep their foreskins from creeping up.

Demon Jokes More Demon Jokes

What do you call a demon at the gym?

An exorcist.

Why did the demon get arrested?

Posession

France Jokes More France Jokes

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What do they call Independence Day in France?

A Royale-free with cheese! (Happy Bastille Day(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BastilleDay)!)

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

What do you call a girl who plays tennis on her knees?

Courtney.

Why didn't the girl cross the street?

She didn't have the balls

World Jokes More World Jokes

What do you call the smallest Superman in the world?

Quark Kent.

What does Spock sing in the shower?

I'll stop the world and meld with you!

Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

What is a Mexican's favorite Olympic event?

Cross country

Why should you never bet on Germany at the Olympics?

They have the worst track record for finishing a race.