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What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple.

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What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?

A small medium at large

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

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Why did the investment bankers start dating?

Compound interest

What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter?

W'

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Why did the man snort Dr. Pepper?

He thought it was Coke!

Which do you think I should take?

Whichever you'll excel in, son.

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Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor