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What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

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What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants?

My iPhone 6

What do I have?

Someone else's pants.

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What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.