Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

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Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

How can you always break even at the casino?

Play the change machines.

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What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.