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Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

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What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

Why can't Americans play chess?

Because they are missing two towers.

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What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.