Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

You might also enjoy:

Applause Jokes More Applause Jokes

What do you call a terrible performance of Han Solo: The Musical?

A rebel without applause.

Rug Jokes More Rug Jokes

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

Slap Jokes More Slap Jokes

Why did the girl loaf of stale bread slap the boy loaf of stale bread?

Because he tried to get fresh.

What do you call slapping hands with (5.5+1)/2?

A high phive!

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

Why did the plant say after being watered?

I'm not hungry exactly, but I could still use a light snack".

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?

Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!

Why is Jesus' body bread?

Because given enough time it rises

Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

Why I don't joke about politicians?

Because I don't joke about jokes.

What does a sperm and a politician have in common?

They both have a one in 100 million chance of being human.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What does a sheep call a film it doesn't like?

A baaahhhd movie. ()

How are the Mafia and the Amish similar?

They both don't like wires