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Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

I Love Pizza & You

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I Love Pizza & You

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?

Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.

What kind of pants does Super Mario wear?

Denim denim denim

Net Jokes More Net Jokes

What's hairy dangerous and only surfs the Net when there's a full moon?

The www.erewolf.

Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net?

The www.izard of Oz.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

How did the Pianist play without fingers?

Not very well at all...

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What do you call a smoothie that came out too thick?

A chunky. Credit to my dad this morning..

How do you hold a pirate rabbit?

With its buccaneers!

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb?

They don't... they just talk about how good the old one was.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why was a blind man's leg wet?

Her dog was blind too.

What do you get when you mix a Dog and a Rhino?

How would Rhino?

Superman Jokes More Superman Jokes

Why doesn't Superman need a boss?

OC) He already has supervision.

Who is Superman's brother?

Supperman. Or his kid Soup-erman. One just gets to dinner on time and the other is really good and making soup. E: I thought of it in it in a dream so thats why its not so good

Fisherman Jokes More Fisherman Jokes

What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?

Row v. Wade

What did the fisherman say to the street magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!