Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

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What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

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What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?

She peed her pants (read out loud)

What do Wal mart and priests have in common?

They both have boys pants half off. I'm going to hell

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?

A herrocopter

What do Asian pirates say?

ELLLLLLL!!!

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why didn't the construction worker like to get wet?

Because he didn't drywall.

What do you like to drink?

Programmer: I'm only here for the foo.....................d

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave

How do you make German potato pancakes?

Cook them in the microwave

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "

Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

He had a lot of aspirations.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why is football the single best sport?

Because Americans don't play it.

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play?

Don't Break the Ice

Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

What's the difference between a statesman and a politician?

A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.

What do diapers and politicians have in common?

They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

Why is Reddit the best place for freedom of speech?

Removed

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.