Speech Jokes

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

How do you convey body language?

With your figure of speech

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

Why was the schwa bad at giving speeches?

He said "uhh" way too much.

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End Jokes More End Jokes

How can you tell which end of a worm is which?

Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!

Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?

The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

Language Jokes More Language Jokes

What language do pigs speak?

Depends on which country they're from.

What language do farsighted people speak?

Farsi.

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What could possibly make moviegoers forget about Will Smith's movie After Earth?

A Concussion.

Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode?

Because it's bipolar.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What is the difference between a terrorist hideout and a school?

How should I know? I just fly the drones.

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.... What about the pot of glue I knew you'd get stuck.

British Jokes More British Jokes

What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?

Because they named him Stevie Twoder.

What's better than having a 'Brexit' vote about Britain leaving the EU?

Not being British.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a chicken and a hen?

The spelling.

What's the difference between certain and uncertain?

Well, one things for sure

Trigonometry Teacher Jokes More Trigonometry Teacher Jokes

Why can't trigonometry teachers give good speeches?

They go off onto different tangents.

How does a Trigonometry teacher appreciate his girlfriend?

Oh baby, you are so (1/cos C)!!!