Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

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What do you say to a person at a funeral held at 10 A.M.?

Good mourning.

How will future generations contact Beyonce's ghost?

They'll hold a Beyonceance.

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Why are cows so famous?

Because they're out-standing in their field.

What do you call a police officer standing on dog poop?

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What would you call the Easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?

Weekend at Bernie's.

How is Bernie going to pay for free college for everyone?

No problem! He'll just make Mexico pay for it!

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Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

Spine Jokes More Spine Jokes

What body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Spine

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.