What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why did the golfer wear a extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one

How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants?

He used an eyepatch

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears