Conspiracy Theorist Jokes

What do capitalists and conspiracy theorists have in common?

They are both controlled by little green men.

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How do conspiracy theorists like their lovers?

Illumi-naughty

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple.

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

What's the difference between a skeptic and a conspiracy theorist?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?

In a skeptic tank. (Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious feel free to suggest a better wording!)

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

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Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What is the only thing that will be "Feeling the Bern"?

Working people's wallets.

Why did the dog go to the hospital?

He was feeling ruff.

Giraffe Jokes More Giraffe Jokes

What do you do with a Rhinoceros with 3 balls?

You walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?

An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

Occam Jokes More Occam Jokes

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Illumi Jokes More Illumi Jokes

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

How do conspiracy theorists like their lovers?

Illumi-naughty

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What has four legs a tail whiskers and flies?

A dead cat.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck. I'm sorry.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?

Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Why doesn't the Kentucky Fried Chicken use toilet paper?

It's finger licking good.

Control Jokes More Control Jokes

What do you call the secret Eskimo organization that controls the world?

The Igloominati.

Why is I such a controlling letter?

Because I said so.

Clothe Jokes More Clothe Jokes

Why did the chicken?

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road naked A: Because chickens don't wear clothes.

What do rappers use to wash their clothes?

BLEEE-AAAACH!