Candidate Jokes

What's your strength?

Candidate: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: What's your weakness? Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.

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What do the NBA and the presidential election have in common?

There's only two candidates, and nobody wants either of them to win!

Why do you see so many Bernie Posts on r/all?

Because supporters of other candidates are out working or voting.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

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M Jokes More M Jokes

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

Reduce Jokes More Reduce Jokes

How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?

Be too drunk to find your keys.

Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5?

Because he knows how to reduce fractions.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him?

To see how long he slept.

Campaign Jokes More Campaign Jokes

What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign?

Iran, Iraq, I lost

How did Vladimir Lenin originally get into power?

This isn't just a campaign, this is a political

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

What word starts with F and ends in uck?

Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.

Socialist Jokes More Socialist Jokes

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

How many socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All of them.

2016 Jokes More 2016 Jokes

Where's the best place to go if you want a little head?

The 2016 Olympics.

Why is Hillary spelled with 2 L's?

One for 2008 and one for 2016.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What do you call someone who knows all?

Nostril-damus. &ampnbsp Works better if you read the joke out loud.

Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown?

The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.