M Jokes

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the ghost say when he got to the Halloween party?

Im here for the boos.

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one

Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks! im

Why am I just so naturally funny?

Because my life is a joke. Dont worry Im not scuicidal

Why was the potato chip angry?

Because he was salty

Why do you never wanna see an elevator in a horror game?

Cuz you know something's about to go down. Im sorry

Whats the best part of living in Switzerland?

Im not too sure either but the flags a big plus.

How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.

How do you build a boat?

Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What does The Rock said to his Girl Friend?

Im Stoned

What do you call an 80s band comrpising of only fruit?

Durian durian! im sorry

Who's Leonardo DiCaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar im so sorry

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

Im a fungi

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm. im sorry

Which kid is yours?

Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'

How can I trust you again?

H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What's it like being a grown up?

Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

What's the best thing about Portugal?

You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till Monday!

What gets you hot, baby?

Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What do you call Squidward when he gives DNA results for a living?

You call 'im Maury.

What's that girl?

Timmy's in the old well L: Arf arf He's dead You sure L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash

What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

How'd family dinner go?

ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.

What do you call people pretending to be a ball?

Roll playing im sry

How many mm3 of dirt is there in a hole 1m x 1m x 1m?

There is no dirt in the hole!

How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Why couldn't The Doctor play baseball?

They couldn't figure out Who was on first (Sorry, if this has been submitted before, im new here)

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

I guess it's too grue-some.

Whatcha doing on the PC?

Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.

Who are you talking to in there?

M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody

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Chewy Jokes More Chewy Jokes

What do we have for dinner? Wookie steak. Is it any good?

Well its a little Chewy

What did Chewy say after episode VII?

I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo solo

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire?

My ears are burning!

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

What breaks when u give it to a toddler?

Her hips

Which city u cannot enter?

ELECTRICITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lego Jokes More Lego Jokes

Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?

They can't lego of their childhood. Tell some more Lego puns, here!

Where does the Lego man get his drugs?

His K'Nex!

Pool Jokes More Pool Jokes

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you call a kid who falls into a gorilla enclosure?

Zoolander

Why can't Casper have kids?

Cause he has a Halloweenie

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?

OC He looked inside Santa's sack.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Where Did it go?

Where did that list of dark jokes posted this morning go? Iv looked everywhere.

What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York?

Pigpockets.