M Jokes

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What did the ghost say when he got to the Halloween party?

Im here for the boos.

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one

Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks! im

Why was the potato chip angry?

Because he was salty

Why do you never wanna see an elevator in a horror game?

Cuz you know something's about to go down. Im sorry

Whats the best part of living in Switzerland?

Im not too sure either but the flags a big plus.

How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.

How do you build a boat?

Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy.

What do you call an 80s band comrpising of only fruit?

Durian durian! im sorry

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Who's Leonardo DiCaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar im so sorry

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

Im a fungi

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm. im sorry

What's it like being a grown up?

Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

What's the best thing about Portugal?

You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till Monday!

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What do you call Squidward when he gives DNA results for a living?

You call 'im Maury.

What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What do you call people pretending to be a ball?

Roll playing im sry

How many mm3 of dirt is there in a hole 1m x 1m x 1m?

There is no dirt in the hole!

How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Why couldn't The Doctor play baseball?

They couldn't figure out Who was on first (Sorry, if this has been submitted before, im new here)

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

I guess it's too grue-some.

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Emergency Jokes More Emergency Jokes

Why do women and children evacuate first in an emergency?

So the men can go on Reddit and repost this joke.

Why is mustard good to have in case of an emergency?

It's always prepared.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why did Romeo and Juliet break up?

They were in a relationship!

What happened to the frog that broke down?

It got toad away.

Pool Jokes More Pool Jokes

Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

What were the French children doing in the pool?

Piscine.

Luke Jokes More Luke Jokes

What did Obi-wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant?

Use the fork, Luke.

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater?

That's the worst book I ever read.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go ride our bikes!

What did the Buffalo say when his child left for college?

Bison

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

What did the crowd say when I finished my country name puns?

East Timor