Because m = AIt
Im here for the boos.
Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)
Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.
An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one
He forgot to cover his tracks! im
Because my life is a joke. Dont worry Im not scuicidal
Because he was salty
Im hard
Cuz you know something's about to go down. Im sorry
Im not too sure either but the flags a big plus.
How would I know, Im just a US Air Force Operator.
Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.
Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy.
Im Stoned
Durian durian! im sorry
Oscar im so sorry
An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?
Im a fungi
By the "M" on his pajamas.
They're not infallible
Luke warm. im sorry
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'
H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!
BRB man, I've got to catch a plane. Im soz.
ME:What would YOU like W:Excuse me M:No one ever asks you, do they W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.
G...get it EDIT:im not saying the reference
Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly
You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till Monday!
Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*
6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no
M: Protesting this conversation.
You call 'im Maury.
Timmy's in the old well L: Arf arf He's dead You sure L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash
Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife
ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt
ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.
Roll playing im sry
M: Linda.
There is no dirt in the hole!
Me: I don't have a unicorn. A: You better get naked and go into that Arby's and look for it anyway. M: Ok.
The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."
Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
They couldn't figure out Who was on first (Sorry, if this has been submitted before, im new here)
Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.
I guess it's too grue-some.
Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.
M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody
Pupil: Stop taking baths
Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath. With Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? (Punchline hidden so you don't accidentally read)
Grandpa: Oh you know with my hands mostly.
Cache in hand.
My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u " Yes. I literally just said that
Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying
It doesn't look good" "Yeah, I know, I'm asking about her health"
They're both looking for a tight seal.
Bob.
I don't knead you anymore.
Simple, they just ask "ASL?"
Just two. One to politely ask and the other to politely help.
Santa's little Elvis.
Because he had low elf esteem.
13 seconds of eye contact.
Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store.
