M Jokes

Why is the physicist not worried about his weight?

Because m = AIt

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What did the ghost say when he got to the Halloween party?

Im here for the boos.

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one

Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks! im

Why was the potato chip angry?

Because he was salty

Why do you never wanna see an elevator in a horror game?

Cuz you know something's about to go down. Im sorry

Whats the best part of living in Switzerland?

Im not too sure either but the flags a big plus.

How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.

How do you build a boat?

Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy.

What do you call an 80s band comrpising of only fruit?

Durian durian! im sorry

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Who's Leonardo DiCaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar im so sorry

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

Im a fungi

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm. im sorry

What's it like being a grown up?

Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

What's the best thing about Portugal?

You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till Monday!

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What do you call Squidward when he gives DNA results for a living?

You call 'im Maury.

What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What do you call people pretending to be a ball?

Roll playing im sry

How many mm3 of dirt is there in a hole 1m x 1m x 1m?

There is no dirt in the hole!

How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Why couldn't The Doctor play baseball?

They couldn't figure out Who was on first (Sorry, if this has been submitted before, im new here)

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

I guess it's too grue-some.

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Write Jokes More Write Jokes

Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?

He forgot his Loggins

How would you write do not touch in Braile?

A. With copper wire and strong electric current. (read it in a shower thoughts thread)

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together?

Carbon Dating.

What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What do elephants say as a compliment?

You look elephantastic!

Why did Princess Leia take so long to find her hair brush?

She kept looking for it in Alderaan places.

Retire Jokes More Retire Jokes

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

What's the fastest branch of the military?

The Marines. When they retire, they're corvettes.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why are fisherman so successful in business?

Because they use "net" profits

Why dose the navy use liquid soap?

Because it takes longer to pick up.

6 Jokes More 6 Jokes

What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?

A dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO

Why was number 6 scared of number 7?

Because 7 8 9!

Bath Jokes More Bath Jokes

How do you know that there's a monster in your bath?

You can't get the shower curtain closed.

When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath what is still dirty?

The bathtub.

Uncle Jokes More Uncle Jokes

Why was the little ant confused?

Because his uncles are aunts.

How do ants hide from aardvarks?

They disguise themselves as uncles!