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Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's the Harlem shake?

Me: I don't know, I think they sell them at Burger King

How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?

When the old one expects you to "do your share"

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

Why did the unicycle win the race?

Because the bicycle was two tired.

Good Friend Jokes More Good Friend Jokes

What do you get if King Kong sits on your best friend?

A flat mate.

What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?

A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!

Election Jokes More Election Jokes

How do people in Iowa get elections?

By watching corn!

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Bernie Jokes More Bernie Jokes

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.