Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Where do I see myself in ten years?

I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*

How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

There's really no sure way to know.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell someone who feels that life has shorted them from a purpose or calling?

You belong.

What did the melon tell her boyfriend when he proposed?

Yes but we cantaloupe.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

What do you call an aardvark that's just won a fight?

A well 'aardvark!

Good Friend Jokes More Good Friend Jokes

What did the boy say when his dog died?

I'm gonna miss you buddy, you were my best friend.

What's the worst part about driving Ford off a cliff?

Ford was my best friend.

Election Jokes More Election Jokes

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

Why couldn't Hillary rig the election like she rigged the DNC?

She deleted that email.

Bernie Jokes More Bernie Jokes

What do you get when you mix a communist and a capitalist?

Bernie Sanders

What do you call a man with a flamethrower?

2. What do you call his first victim 3. What do you call his second victim 1. Bernie 2. Crispin 3. Ash