How did Pinocchio figure out he was mad...

How are the band "The Scorpions" and rural shepherds alike?

They just wanna be loved by ewe. Made up this joke/pun at work the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first), decided to subject you all to it. All apologies to shepherds who are not physical with your sheep.

What day does the egg fear most?

Fry-day

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

Mourning wood

What kind of wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why are you still using it?

Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out all the w's.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

What did the fisher say to the fishkin?

Catch you later

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can't catch anything there.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What is the scariest part of a cavity search?

When they put both their hands on your shoulders but keep searching

Where r my legal briefs?

Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with the Karate Kid?

Jacks on Jacks off

Who you must not greet on a plane?

HI Jack!

Figure Jokes More Figure Jokes

How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

Pinocchio Jokes More Pinocchio Jokes

Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.