How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What does Hodor start off his day with?

Raisin' Bran.

What does Putin say during his New Year's speech?

Don't know but its so scary that they drink for ten days straight right after!

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

How does a crazy person travel through the woods?

They take the psychopath.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

Who's there! Bossy! Bossy who?

Bossy just fired me!

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

He was caught playing with his broomstick.

Where the hell are u?

ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why can't your hand be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot..

Why can't a hand be 12 inches long?

BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

How did Jack grow his portfolio?

He invested in beanstocks!

Why was the Jack-o-Lantern afraid to cross the road?

He had no guts!

Figure Jokes More Figure Jokes

How did a mom figure out her daughter had hit puberty?

She kept wetting the bed.

What falls faster from a tree, a leaf or an Emo?

The leaf, the Emo is too depressed to go outside. I saw this joke reposted so many times. I figured I'd mix it up a bit.

Pinocchio Jokes More Pinocchio Jokes

Why was Pinocchio acting drunk?

He couldn't handle his lacquer

How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.