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How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?

Pooping

Which is the month in which women talk the least?

February... because it has the least number of days

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

How do you know if you're a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood.

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson?

Adele. Some one set fire to the train

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is on fire?

Bernie.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?

Because other people took the bait.

Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

He was caught taking Polaroids.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why can't an Italian snake talk?

Because it doesn't have any hands.

What did the cashier say after handing down a wad of currency to Dracula?

Count Dracula.

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

Why is Rose sad?

Because there is no Jack in iPhone 7.

Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?

Because his 'I' was all jacked up.

Figure Jokes More Figure Jokes

What do you call going Doctor to Doctor... What do you call going Doctor to Doctor to figure out what your inflammatory bowel disease is called?

A Game of Crohn's.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

Pinocchio Jokes More Pinocchio Jokes

How did Pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.

Why is Pinocchio so good in the bedroom?

He nose what he's doing