Fire Jokes

What music do they play in a Mexican bathroom?

Earth wind and fire

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once?

A trifle!

Why did the hipster burn himself?

Because he played with fire before it was cool.

What did the witch say when her position was terminated?

You can't fire me! I snappopcrackleaaaaaargh!!!!

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

Why did the snowman get fired from his job?

He was a snow call, snow show.

Why was Amazon angry after their conference with Samsung?

After taking Notes, they realized their was no way they could sell the Fire.

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack

What do you call a dwarf that was on fire?

A lil smokey

Why'd the little girls ice-cream melt?

She was on fire.

Why was the distracted man fired from his job at the distillery?

Because he couldn't concentrate

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why was the pirate fired from the babyGap?

For stealing the booty

Why are stick people extinct?

Because you can't rub two sticks together you get fire.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out all the w's.

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

Why did the gifting company fire their last employee?

Because they got a bad wrap.

Why couldn't the fireman put out the fire?

Because his hose was in a different area code.

Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

Because she threw out all the bent ones.

Why was the mathematician fired?

Because he was sur to requirements.

What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

People got lit and turnt.

What is the safest place in the galaxy?

In the direct line of fire of a Storm Trooper.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

What do you call a line of diamonds on fire?

Hotline Bling.

Why did Verizon's mailman get fired?

He was losing packets.

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?

Because she kept throwing out all the W's

What did the fireman say when he noticed his hammer was on fire?

This is not a drill.

Why was the chef fired?

He was caught stroganoff

What do disabled people get when there's a fire in the building?

Left behind

Why was the midget fired from his job?

He came up short on his register.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is on fire?

Bernie.

What's bright, red and orange and looks good on hippies?

Fire.

Why did Billy Joel get acquitted?

Because he didn't start the fire.

What did the fire say the morning of his birthday?

I'm stoked!

Why do ducks have flat feet?

So they can stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stamp out flaming ducks.

What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?

Bernadette

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?

Bernadette.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks.

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

Why did the psychic get fired?

Because she didn't see it coming.

Why does AMD call having 2 or more cards Crossfire?

Because no matter what card you cross, and how many, you're bound to start a fire.

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

What did the match box say to the match?

You're fired!

What do you call it when you use Icy Hot as lube?

Fire in the hole!

What's brightly coloured and looks good on raver kids?

Fire.

What did the chicken say after it's wings caught on fire?

Damn, I sure got some hot wings!

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

She threw out all the W's.

Why was Bob Marley fired from being a tennis announcer?

Because he kept calling "One Love"

Why did the DJ get fired as a waiter?

Because he'd drop everything

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

What happened to the fireman who let the house burn?

He got fired.

Why are French guns the best to buy?

They've never been fired, and only dropped once.

Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did Ibuprofen miss his friends?

Because Paracetamol on fire.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

Why did the blonde girl get fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing away all the W's.

What's the hottest thing in China right now?

A Tibetan monk on fire.

Why did the worker at the M&M factory get fired?

He threw out the W's

What would you call the mailman if he got fired?

I don't know, just some dude.

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

An Apple turnover.

Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?

Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

What did he say?

Me: "You're fired".

How's the wife?

Me:Glowing Neighbour:Pregnant Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood Neighbour:You're sick Me:You're next

What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired?

Oh snap!

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&ampM factory?

She threw away all of the W's.

What does its job only after its been fired?

A bullet.

What's red and orange and looks good on hipsters?

Fire.

Why did the grocery delivery guy get fired?

He drove people bananas!

What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it?

H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.

What do you fire from underwater guns?

Seashells

Why did the stoneworker get fired?

Because he took his job for granite.

What do you call a fire on the beach?

Bernie Sanders

Who's there! Bossy! Bossy who?

Bossy just fired me!

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

What do you call sandpaper on fire?

Bernie Sanders

Why did the blonde girl get fired from the M&ampM factory?

She kept throwing away all the W's.

Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.

Why was a missile looking for a job?

Because it got fired!

Why is it better to be ashy?

Cause it just means you spit more fire

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they start they get fired.

Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend?

When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.

Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business?

He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.

Why did the worker at the M&ampM factory get fired?

He threw out the W's

Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?

The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!

What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently?

A shotgun

What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire?

That he needed to address the situation

What do you call making jokes of a chicken on fire?

Roasting a chicken.

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired?

He tested positive for Coke.

What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?

Bernadette!

Why are there no guys named William serving in the army?

Because they dislike the phrase "Fire at Will"

What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe?

An e-mergency.

Why was the teenage girl fired from her job at the casino?

Because SHE JUST CAN'T DEAL

Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy?

Because Opey never delivered.

Where is the fire at?

The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)

Why did the cookie get fired from his job?

He came to work baked.

How can you tell that a baker's hands are on fire?

He can't seem to *stop droppin' rolls*.

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

Why the sad face?

Asks the bartender. "I got fired."

You might also enjoy:

Hose Jokes More Hose Jokes

Whats the difference between a kink and a fetish?

A kink is something put in a hose, a fetish is something she wants to put in your hose.

What did Carlos the fireman name his twin newborn sons?

Jose and Hose B.

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Why are League of Legends players the most skeptical people on Earth?

Because they take everything with a grain of salt.

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

What's 72?

69 with 3 people watching!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the plan of starting a book club?

It got shelved.

What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises?

He lost his hearing.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain?

In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex.

How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out

Trifle Jokes More Trifle Jokes

What is a rifle with three barrels?

A trifle.

What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once?

A trifle!

Fire Fighter Jokes More Fire Fighter Jokes

Nun Jokes More Nun Jokes

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun

How many nuns can a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

Nun.