What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

Why is it better to be ashy?

Cause it just means you spit more fire

U. S. Jokes More U. S. Jokes

What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria?

Dead parents

What makes perfect sense?

The U.S. mint (cents)

Nuke Jokes More Nuke Jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.