Why is there no volume control on the microwave?

Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why don't you try calling them names too?

Steve: "I can't, they're so beautiful"

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

Pizza Jokes More Pizza Jokes

What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order?

One with everything

What did Buddha say to the Pizza guy?

Make me one with everything.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

Why is there no volume control on the microwave?

Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza

What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

Why don't bananas snore?

Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

Nuke Jokes More Nuke Jokes

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

Why do asians squint all the time?

Because nukes are so bright