Wake Jokes

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard?

He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You pa- pa- poker face, pa- pa- poker face!

What do necrophiliacs get when they wake up on the day of a funeral?

Mourning Wood

Why do pirates wake up early on Saturday?

To watch Dablooney Toons!

Why does a montonegran man keep a chair next to his bed?

So he can have a rest after he gets tired from waking up.

Why do golf commentators speak softly?

To not wake the audience.

Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy?

In case you wake the sleeping pills!

What time does a mechanic wake up?

Oily!

What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning?

She puts her clothes back on and goes home.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga..?

POKER FACE...!!!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What's updog?

Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u Dad (from hallway): OWNED

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

How do you wake up a loafer?

With a shoe horn.

What's a glow worms favourite song?

Wake me up before you glow glow!

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

An alarm cluck!

Why is there no volume control on the microwave?

Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza

Why did the cop wake up his son?

To stop a kid napping.

Why are you always tired, Dad?

My 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye.

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?

Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

How do you know a girl is into you?

Just pinch yourself, if you don't wake up, she doesn't.

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning...

What did George Michael say to his partner before he went to work?

Wake me up before you go-go

Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

Amaized.

Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?

Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise Oh, right, *of course*!"

What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him?

Amen

Why don't bananas snore?

Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating?

Man, wall mounts are awesome.

How woke?

Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.

What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock?

Catsup!

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm?

Washed a Ton State. I woke up with that joke in my head this morning. My brain is weird. Had to share it with someone.

What does a widow say when she wakes up?

Mourning

What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster?

A wake-up call!

What's the scariest thing to wake up to in the morning?

Another day.

How do you wake a sleeping Lady Gaga?

You poke poke poker face

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

"I didn't wake up this morning..."

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.

I woke up exhausted!

You might also enjoy:

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

Why did the man get kicked out of the "Russian" bar?

Because he walked in.

Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball

Server Jokes More Server Jokes

Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?

Because it has NO FANS!!! (get it no fans... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)

What is the number 1 rule at a computer bar?

Always tip your server.

Bend Jokes More Bend Jokes

How do I raise my kids?

Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it

Why does the boy could not bend his knees?

Because he had no knees

Toilet Jokes More Toilet Jokes

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?

WIFE: I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What is in common between a napkin and a person?

If you sleep with a person, he/she is ur nap-kin.

What is it called when you sleep talk about your subconscious feelings?

A Freudian Sleep.

Leak Jokes More Leak Jokes

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a leak?

Because their entire species is extinct.

Who leaked all of Reddit's most sensitive secrets?

Edward Snooden.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied......It's hard

Torque Jokes More Torque Jokes

Why was the car engine so loud, but the rest of the car terrible?

Because torque is cheap

Why does Torque live on campus?

Because cross products don't commute!