Wake Jokes

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What's long and hard every time you wake up?

Getting out of bed. You never feel like it making hard to get up and you usually take a long time to.

Why did the old man sneak past the cupboard?

He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You pa- pa- poker face, pa- pa- poker face!

What do necrophiliacs get when they wake up on the day of a funeral?

Mourning Wood

Why do pirates wake up early on Saturday?

To watch Dablooney Toons!

Why does a montonegran man keep a chair next to his bed?

So he can have a rest after he gets tired from waking up.

Why do golf commentators speak softly?

To not wake the audience.

Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy?

In case you wake the sleeping pills!

What time does a mechanic wake up?

Oily!

What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning?

She puts her clothes back on and goes home.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How do you wake up Lady Gaga..?

POKER FACE...!!!

What's updog?

Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u Dad (from hallway): OWNED

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

How do you wake up a loafer?

With a shoe horn.

What's a glow worms favourite song?

Wake me up before you glow glow!

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?

An alarm cluck!

Why is there no volume control on the microwave?

Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza

Why did the cop wake up his son?

To stop a kid napping.

Why are you always tired, Dad?

My 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye.

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?

Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

How do you know a girl is into you?

Just pinch yourself, if you don't wake up, she doesn't.

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning...

What did George Michael say to his partner before he went to work?

Wake me up before you go-go

Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

Amaized.

Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?

Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise Oh, right, *of course*!"

What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him?

Amen

Why don't bananas snore?

Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating?

Man, wall mounts are awesome.

What's happening!?

Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!

How woke?

Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.

What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock?

Catsup!

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm?

Washed a Ton State. I woke up with that joke in my head this morning. My brain is weird. Had to share it with someone.

What does a widow say when she wakes up?

Mourning

What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster?

A wake-up call!

What's the scariest thing to wake up to in the morning?

Another day.

How do you wake a sleeping Lady Gaga?

You poke poke poker face

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

"I didn't wake up this morning..."

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.

I woke up exhausted!

You might also enjoy:

Definition Jokes More Definition Jokes

What's the definition of Polystyrene?

A plastic parrot!

What is the definition of a major seventh?

A violist playing octaves.

Long Time Jokes More Long Time Jokes

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

What type of truck takes a very long time to reach its destination?

A log n truck.

Audience Jokes More Audience Jokes

Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

How did I know my joke was not alright with my audience?

They all left.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why was the animal unhappy?

He had a ruff week.. His life wasn't purrfect. His brother was a shellout. His mother's been a real crab lately. His family was really shellfish. He had no porpoise in life.

What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common?

The car and the bus both have wheels.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?

Five after one.

What would happen if all Chinese people jumped off a chair, all at the same time?

I don't know either, but you would need a reeeally big chair!

Old Man Jokes More Old Man Jokes

How do you find an old man in the dark?

It isn't hard.

What was the old man in despair about?

Nothing.

Case Jokes More Case Jokes

What did the otter say to the guy whose ankle he pooped on?

Spraint your ankle!" Just in case:

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one.

Chair Jokes More Chair Jokes

What has four legs and isn't alive?

Son: "nice try, a chair!" Dad: "Nope. Our dog just died."

Why was the couch afraid of the chair?

The chair was armed.