Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why do you say that?

Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What has ten letters and starts with gas?

Flatulence

Where do you go when you start up a videogame about Noodles?

To the lo mein menu

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What day does the egg fear most?

Fry-day

Why did the cheerleader get kicked out on her last day of school?

X-post from /r/punny Because you can't end on a prep position.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him?

Amen

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.