What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What's red like a strawberry, hard like beef jerky, smells like vinegar, and is found under your bed?

Me neither. Help.

What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?

Ooo mami! (Umami)

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?

Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."

What's dad's best one-liner?

My wife.

Explain Jokes More Explain Jokes

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

How many Pokmon does it take to change a light bulb?

Not sure, gotta catch them all first!

Why did Samsung make the Galaxy Note 7 waterproof?

It can't catch fire underwater... I think.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do women and dog poop have in common?

The older they are the easier they are to pick up.

What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law &amp Order: SVU?

Women Say the Darndest Things

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he's finished.

What do you call people waiting in line for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue.