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What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What drives you?

Me: The bus mostly Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning M: missing the bus

Why would you take a hammer to bed?

So you could hit the sack.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

What did the Chinese guy say to his wife after her botched plastic surgery?

Honey, why the wrong face

Explain Jokes More Explain Jokes

A user interface is like a joke.

If you have to explain it then it is not that good.

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

How does a Bee get to work?

He catches a buzz.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why did man invent the shipping cart?

To teach women how to stand on their hind legs.

Why did God make women last?

He didn't want someone telling him what to do

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How do you make someone stare at a screen for 30 seconds?

Please wait...

What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve?

Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning