Explain Jokes

Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

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What dies a little, when explained about?

A joke.

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

What happens if you're late to extremophile school?

You get a tardy grade. (that explains the joke if you don't get it.)

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

They say that 9/11 was an inside job... but planes fly OUTSIDE. Can't explain that

Why don't White Elephants run?

Because they Ele-cant....Can somebody explain this to me? (Seriously, I don't get it, is it like Elegant?)

What did Peyton Manning said to his younger brother about the new NFL rule?

ELI5 (explain me like I am five)

Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?

Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.

How does Mulan's boyfriend explain himself when she caught him smoking pot?

Shanghai

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Wheree did the king keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES LOL xp cuz it's like armies like babi talk for arms instead of an armie like a bunch of dudes w/ issues w/ theer masculinity np, glad i cud explain dis 2 u

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

Who laughs the last?

The one who you have to explain the joke to.

Which is your favorite Monty Python Joke?

Of course, there's, but here goes mine: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.