March Madness Sale - 25% Off

911 Jokes

How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

Birthday State of Mind
March Madness Sale

Birthday State of Mind

$5.99

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

Why did 10 go missing?

Because 9/11.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Why did 0.81 recurring die?

Because he was 9/11.

Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11?

Elephants never forget.

Why was 10 traumatized?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

Whats the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their knees

Where did Sally go during 9/11?

Everywhere

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

9/11

Love
March Madness Sale

Love

$5.99

How many questions did the politician answer?

9/11

Who's There?.........9/11.....9/11 Who?

I thought you said you'd never forget....

What's your emergency?

Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

What did the Chinese guy say to the mongoose?

Bing fwong dong 9/11

Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 Who?

YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!!!

How often does jet fuel melt steel beams?

9/11

How much steel can a dank meme melt if a dank meme melts steel beams?

9/11 beams

What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

They say that 9/11 was an inside job... but planes fly OUTSIDE. Can't explain that

What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

What is something that you never forget on a field trip?

9/11.

Everyday Deserves a Joke
March Madness Sale

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$14.99 $19.99

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.

What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?

When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.

What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing?

Possum: Oh yeah

What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

The government actually wanted to stop Polio.

How was 9/11 an inside job?

If the planes came from the outside.

Why was 10 afraid?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

How many years before we forget if 9/11 was in '00 or '01?

15 or 16

What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant?

They were both caused by a message from god.

What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

We've Got This Love Thing Down
March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

$5.99

What was the first thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 victims?

Their knees! Please comment "No"

Why didn't the blond call 911?

She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad.

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

Whats ur emergency?

OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."

Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

What happened to the number 10?

It got stuck in 9/11

What do I do?

Someone else yells "Call 911!" The blonde yells back "What's the number "

How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?

Because you never forget!

What is the difference between 9/11 and landscaping?

Landscaping is an outside job.

What is your emergency?

Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

What's ur emergency?

Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash?

He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado

What is the difference between a goat and 9/11?

You cannot milk a goat for 13 years

What's your favorite tasteless 9-11 joke?

Here's mine. Knock knock. Who's there 911. 911 who You said you'd never forget

What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

What's worse than 9/11?

311 Credit goes to my friend Max.

Why are 9/11 jokes never funny?

Because they always fly over everyone's head.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?

They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

Who's rhere?

9/11. 9/11 Who You said you would never forget.

How do you prevent 9/11?

Make it a Malaysian airlines flight.

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?

DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

You might also enjoy:

Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

Why are they using two ply toilet paper in Russia?

Because authorities want a carbon copy of all matters.

How many dank memes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter, just use the jet fuel instead.

911 Victim Jokes More 911 Victim Jokes

Who are the world's fastest readers?

The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I'm so sorry

Why are 9/11 victims the best readers?

They can go through 94 stories in seconds!

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop being an 18 year old Virgin?

Turn 19

Why did the tricycle stop working?

Because it was two tired...

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?

My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!

Whats the last letter in the alphabet?

Somebody help plz I need help on kindergarten project

Knock Knock Jokes More Knock Knock Jokes

Who's there? Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock KNOCK KNOCK. Who is there?

The pilot.

What is your favorite dumb joke?

Mine would have to be Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not sally.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much?

Because they built their stuff with reads!

How do you know he isn't?

Because I am.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why do some people love their VW diesel cars?

Well, it's the official car of the New England Patriots after all.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

How long does it take to fly to Boston?

The clerk said "Just a minute..." "Thank you" the man said and hung up.

How long did Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion have to wait for the Tin Man?

Ten minutes.