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How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

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What do you find in an elephants graveyard?

Elephantoms!

Where would you find an Egyptian psychopathic swimmer?

In denial.

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What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

The government actually wanted to stop Polio.

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How long does a United States Congressman serve?

Until he gets caught.

Why can't Zeno seem to pay his bar tab in full?

Because he kept giving half of what he owes.

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What do you call a dog that can't hear?

Doesn't matter much, does it

What did one Redditer say to another?

Doesn't matter, the real joke is in the comments.