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Answer Jokes

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer may shock you.

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How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

What does a microcontroller say when it can't answer a question?

Ardunno

How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?

I'll let my friend answer that one:

What's black?

Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What does a highlighter say when it answers the phone?

Yello?

What am I?

I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.

Who answers the Crime Stoppers Hotline?

Stymied Coppers

How, would you answer this question?

No. -How

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Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What river separates China and India?

The Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

What is a catchy Girl's name?

Annette

How long does it take for George R.R. Martin to finish a Reddit post?

Answer coming Fall 2017.

Why should the Pope play NBA basketball?

Because every time he puts up a prayer it gets answered. (I thought of this myself, but it is so corny, it could easily be in every damn joke book.)

Who is fastest girl in the world?

Airtel 4G girl.

How many questions did the politician answer?

9/11

What's black and screaming?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What's the difference between white socks and red socks?

Students will most likely answer the color) Then you say, "yes, that's one difference but there's another: The White Sox play in Chicago and the Red Sox play in Boston!

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Why did the Skeleton cross the road?

Question: Why did the Skeleton cross the road? Answer: To go to the body shop.

How many redditors does it take to answer an /r/AskScience question?

Removed

What's the answer for question #2?

2.B or not 2.B

What's brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron

Why did?

Why did the house cross the road, One of the most difficult to solve cross the road jokes, I'll give the answer when you all give.

Why did religion cross the road?

God is the answer.

Whats in the middle of girl's leg?

And the answer is, 'Knee'

How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, I'm no scientist

Why do you have to take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?

Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.

What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.

Your Age Is Only Math
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What do you get when you cross a garden, a rabbit, and some ExLax?

For the love of everything sacred on reddit please do not make me actually key the answer....okay, let's say it together, "Salad Shooter".

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

To hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados

What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

What do you call it when a prayer is answered?

A coincidence.

What does snoop doggy dog use to do his laundry?

Answer in comments.

How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?

Cello?

What's the only thing better than Roses on a Piano?

Tulips on an Organ.

How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!

What is the most beautiful thing in the world?

Is it your right thigh, or your left? Or does the answer lie somewhere in the middle?

What's your funniest yet least known joke?

I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!

Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

To a Bananas foster home.

What is blonde and brown blonde and brown blonde and brown?

Answer. Madonna doing cartwheels.

What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent?

The Pope!

What's red and black and screaming all over?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Why did the paedophilic bestialist not answer his name?

Because he was feeling a little horse.

What is brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

What's the difference between toilet paper and the shower curtain?

So you're the one.... (only if you answered "i don't know")

How do like really laid-back types answer the phone?

Mellow.

Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell?

They weren't invented yet.

How did a blind woman pierce her ear?

Answering the stapler.

What do you say when you find two banana peels together?

A pair of slipper

Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?

Boy: Me and I'm going home now.

Why are you here?

And Elsa answers: "Because they don't let me go."

What would Chewbacca do?

And the answer is always, "Make that gargly roaring sound." So that's what I do.

How many Public Radio hosts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

We'll be back with that answer right after this pledge break.

What rings twice and screams once?

Ray Charles answering the iron

What's the difference between a hunter and a stalker?

The hunter has to wait until it's in season!

Why didn't you answer me?

Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you!

Why can't Zeno seem to pay his bar tab in full?

Because he kept giving half of what he owes.

What did you ask to Santa Claus this year?

The other one answers: -Oh fifty dollars, like everybody else, why

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

You Blink Your Eyes.

How's Hillary's head?

He answers, "Well, she's no Monica!"

When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?

Is unwise, apparently.

How do scaredy-cats answer the phone?

Yellow

What is not the answer to this question?

Not this.

What Is A Kiss?

Its An Inquiry At The Top Floor Regarding The Vacancy In The Ground Floor.

What is honeymoon?

That brief span of time between "I do" and "You'd better!"

What do you get from a bee that has an udder?

Milk and honey.

Who's there! Answer! Answer who?

Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!

What is cosmetics?

Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Oh, so it has its ups and downs.

What is the most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday?

Just forget it once and you will never forget it again.

How do I find answers using Google.com?

On Yahoo Answers. Stand by while the internet divides itself by zero.

When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?

Answer "Scissors." then drive away..

Where's my freaking phone?

And it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"

Whats in his backpack?

Parachute

How do you confuse an AP student?

Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C.

Why didn't the skelton cross the road?

Answer in comments so you can fully appreciate the joke)

What's better, Star Wars or Star Trek?

Knowing what intimacy with another living human being feels like.

Why can't I get it up?

Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

What were the very first straws made of?

Straw.

How did you get out of Iraq?

He answered: "Iran"

How do you put elephant in the fridge?

Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.

What's a man's idea of a perfect date?

A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

Which toes?

She answers "My big toes".

What does the caller ID say?

Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.

Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?

"Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it ".... Keep moving.

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr.Dre

Why didn't you answer your home phone?

Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

What's the song that Coldplay wrote for you?

Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

What's another name for pickled bread?

Dill-dough.

What word starts with F and ends in uck?

Firetruck. The answer is Firetruck.

What question must always be answered "Yes"?

What does Y-E-S spell

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Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

How many nuclear war survivors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. People who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.

Porch Jokes More Porch Jokes

What do you call a man on your porch?

Mat. I neglected to mention he has no arms or legs.

Who's there! Answer! Answer who?

Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!

Black Guy Jokes More Black Guy Jokes

What did one black guy say to another black guy?

We're both black guys.

What was the black guys reaction to the 3/5ths compromise?

I can't even

Comment Jokes More Comment Jokes

How do you find a blonde on reddit?

Look for the comments that just say "huh "

How did redditor heckle the stand up comic?

The real joke is always in the comments!

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How did people know Patrick Stewart was crying?

Because he bawled.

How do we not know what women want yet?

There are tons of conflicting lists all over the internet.

Occupy Jokes More Occupy Jokes

Why did the soldier salute the occupied restroom?

There was a loo tenant inside.

Why did the protester cross the road?

To get to the Occupy! EDIT: To get to the other side/Occupy?

Red House Jokes More Red House Jokes

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian?

Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian.

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.