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What's updog?

Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u Dad (from hallway): OWNED

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the dog sleep on the chandelier?

Because he was a light sleeper.

What do you call a dog subbing for a music teacher?

A subwoofer.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What did the Mexican boy say to his mom after he mopped the floors and found his brother?

I've cleaned up and found Jesus.

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

Why don't bananas snore?

Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

School Jokes More School Jokes

How do you recognize a blonde in school?

They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Why did the cyclops close his school?

Because he only had one pupil! The joke is that I have no friends