U. S. Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

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How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

Why is Jeopardy the #1 show in the U.S.?

Because Michael Douglas starred in "Double Jeopardy" in 1999.

What is a Car in the U.S.?

A mode of transportation.

Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger?

Fiscal therapy

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

What's the most awkward U.S state?

O....Hi!.....o.....

What makes perfect sense?

The U.S. mint (cents)

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China?

Wonton-amo Bay

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How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Who is the least guilty U.S. President?

Lincoln. He's in a cent!

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

What do Filipinos call Canada?

Upper U.S.

How does one refer to intentionally harming the national bird of the U.S?

It's an ill-eagle activity

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Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

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Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What do you call a 16th-century seer who drinks straight out of the can?

No-straw-damus! (please be gentle on me as you berate me.)

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

Wii U Jokes More Wii U Jokes

What do Mexicans use with the Wii-U?

Amiigo

What's a policeman's favorite gaming console?

Wii-U, Wii-U, Wii-U!

7 Jokes More 7 Jokes

What do you call 7 white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

Why is 6 afraid of 9 on New Years Eve?

Because 9, 8, 7....

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

How do programmers say 'I love you!'?

You are my MSB.

Why do Americans deep fry so much food?

A. They love OIL

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How did a blind man drive his car?

One hand on the wheel the other on the road.

What do you call a Latino on a bike?

Juan less car (one less car)

Pokemon Jokes More Pokemon Jokes

Why are Pokemon terrible to play hide and seek with?

Because they Pikachu

Why can you not shower with a Pokemon?

Because they'll Pikachu

Guac Jokes More Guac Jokes

When ur at chipotle n u ask for guac and they say "its extra is that ok?

If u say its not ok they give it to u for free

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

10yo Jokes More 10yo Jokes

What the hell is albatrout?

That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But... 10yo: ALBATROUT