U. S. Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

Why is Jeopardy the #1 show in the U.S.?

Because Michael Douglas starred in "Double Jeopardy" in 1999.

What is a Car in the U.S.?

A mode of transportation.

Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger?

Fiscal therapy

What's the most awkward U.S state?

O....Hi!.....o.....

What makes perfect sense?

The U.S. mint (cents)

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Who is the least guilty U.S. President?

Lincoln. He's in a cent!

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

What do Filipinos call Canada?

Upper U.S.

How does one refer to intentionally harming the national bird of the U.S?

It's an ill-eagle activity

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

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What was the ambulance saying when they were carrying Satoru Iwata?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

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Why was the chef fired?

He was caught stroganoff

What did Little Bo Peep say to Woody when she got caught screwing Buzz?

You got a friend in me.

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How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

Why do buzzards prefer to fly?

Because they really like their carry-on..... yeah total dad joke, i know.

Console Jokes More Console Jokes

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy.

Why are stormtroopers so bad at aiming?

Because they're playing on console.

Nintendo Jokes More Nintendo Jokes

What noise does a Nintendo ambulance make?

Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u

What do the Dallas Cowboys do when they win the Superbowl?

Turn off their Nintendo and go to bed.

7 Jokes More 7 Jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9

Why did Microsoft skip windows 9?

Because 7 ate 9

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth?

And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do you ask for a cigarette in Spain?

Tapas a snout!

What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.