U. S. Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?

Bombs

Why is Jeopardy the #1 show in the U.S.?

Because Michael Douglas starred in "Double Jeopardy" in 1999.

What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria?

Dead parents

What is a Car in the U.S.?

A mode of transportation.

Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger?

Fiscal therapy

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

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What's the most awkward U.S state?

O....Hi!.....o.....

What makes perfect sense?

The U.S. mint (cents)

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China?

Wonton-amo Bay

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing?

Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Who is the least guilty U.S. President?

Lincoln. He's in a cent!

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

What do Filipinos call Canada?

Upper U.S.

How does one refer to intentionally harming the national bird of the U.S?

It's an ill-eagle activity

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

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Shop Jokes More Shop Jokes

What's Captain Hook's favourite kind of shop?

The second hand shop.

Where do Sith lords go to shop?

The Darth Mall.

Satoru Iwata Jokes More Satoru Iwata Jokes

What did they say when they forgot to embalm Satoru Iwata?

WiiU

What was the ambulance saying when they were carrying Satoru Iwata?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

7 Jokes More 7 Jokes

Why was 7 arrested for homicide?

Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect

Why did Windows skip to 10?

Because 7 ate 9.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much?

The White Wizzer

What should you wear when drinking tea?

A tea-shirt.

Nintendo Jokes More Nintendo Jokes

Why hasn't Nintendo released a Mario themed basketball video game?

Because Japan isn't good at basketball.

What Pokemon gave Nintendo cancer?

Pokemon Uranium

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do I know thieves are bad kissers?

Because apparently I make out like a bandit.

Who could that be?

It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock Me: It depends on how they were raised...

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What did Casper say to his girlfriend?

I love you, boo!!

Why does it smell so bad in Russia?

Everybody loves Putin!

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

How do you describe a hierarchy of police officers with only one word?

Police police police police police police police police police police police.

How many Police Officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. He 'fell'.