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Carry Jokes

What's the difference between Beyonce and a shopping bag?

A shopping bag can carry a child.

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

For drizzle.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

What kind of music venues do gun lovers like the most?

Carry OK

Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

Why do people carry around umbrellas?

Because they can't carry themselves

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

What did the giant wave say to the man?

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

Why did the number of parking tickets spike after Persephone was carried off to the underworld?

Because Demeter stopped working.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo drizzle b: fo shizzle C: fo nizzle D: fo bizzle

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

Why is the iPhone 6 the coolest smart phone around?

Carry it around in your pocket for a while and it'll be on every selfie you take.

How can you tell if an American has a conceal carry permit?

They'll tell you.

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

What Nationality was Otzi the Caveman?

He wasn't Italian, because he carried work tools, he wasn't Austrian, since he had some brains, he might have been Swiss, since he was outrun by a glacier, but most probably he was a German, because nobody else ever walks in sandals in the mountains.

Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts

Why don't feminists carry handguns?

Because of the triggers. I'm sorry

What was the ambulance saying when they were carrying Satoru Iwata?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U

What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital?

An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

Love Card

Love Card

Why are some flowers gangsta?

Cause they carry pistils.

Why can't the cops keep calm and carry on?

Because they carry guns instead

Why does SnoopDogg always carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle

What do you call a German grocery store that carries everything but fish?

Not Sea Food.

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin?

They became flatman and ribbon. has left the building.

Why do drummers carry transparent lunchboxes?

So they know if they are going to the gig, or coming from it. Ta-boom!

How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a funeral?

Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?

Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls.

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

Why do ghosts carry tissues?

Because they have BOOOOgers.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

How do you do that?

I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!

What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony

What is WRONG with you?

Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

What do two owl brothers say when they are carrying something?

To me, to hoo.

Why should you always carry toilet paper to the twilight zone?

Doodoo doodoo

What do you call spaghetti that carries a fake ID?

An impasta!

Why should you always carry a knife around?

Because sharp wits won't always give you the edge.

What floats, is very-very heavy and carries a variety of flavours as a payload?

A *Souper*tanker! Simmer on that! - I say!

How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

What's the best thing about Portugal?

You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till Monday!

What is stronger an elephant or a snail?

A snail because it carries it's house an elephant just carries its trunk!

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjolnir all day?

He gets Thor arms!

What do you call a horse getting carried away with a magic marker?

A zebra.

Why do people carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas cant walk.

Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?

To carry his library card.

Why does Axl Rose love to carry around The Scarlet Letter?

Because every Rose has its Hawthorne

Why does a mother carry her baby?

The baby can't carry the mother.

Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok?

Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant. "If U Didn't Get It Go Watch Pogo":p

Why do postmen carry letters?

Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.

Why do businessmen carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk.

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?

It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

What can be said about a rich man who doesn't carry change with him?

He's got more money than cents

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?

He puts down the three and carries the one.

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why did the cowboy ride his horse?

Because the horse was too heavy to carry.

What do you call an unpleasant sand-carrying windstorm?

Da Rude Sandstorm

What does a skeleton use to carry his bones?

A CART-ilage

What did the number 1 say to (pi)?

Let's get rational you can't carry on like this!

Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?

So he always hits the green when he's driving.

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?

You can hear their brooms tick!

Why do you carry a knife?

Me: A sword is harder to hide.

Who will carry on the ancient family curse?

They say.

Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?

In his beef case!

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?

Both crews were marooned.

What's pink has five toes and is carried by the Easter Bunny?

His lucky people's foot!

Why do buzzards prefer to fly?

Because they really like their carry-on..... yeah total dad joke, i know.

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

Carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween?

It was for 'tick or tweet'!

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?

When it's raining cats and dogs!

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?

They can lighten your load!

Why do the English always carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk

Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket?

In case Johnny Onion Rings!

Where does an elephant carry its laptop?

In its trunk.

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee AND a dozen donurs!

Why did Bill Murray's cameo have a sore back?

It had to carry the new Ghostbusters movie for almost two hours.

What's grey carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?

A get wellephant!

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a shipcarrying blue paint?

Both crews were marooned.

Why do choirs keep buckets handy?

So they can carry their tune

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House Jokes More House Jokes

An IPv6 packet is walking out of the house.

He goes nowhere.

Why aren't you charging me for the paint?

They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy that steals burgers?

A hamburglar!

Where do you guys stand on the cheese debate?

I'm staunchly pro-volone.

Plastic Jokes More Plastic Jokes

What's the expiry date on plastic?

81(http://i.ytimg.com/vi/UYwYdFdoecA/0.jpg)

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.

Queen Jokes More Queen Jokes

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him?

Get bent!

What is the difference between light and hard?

Well, you can sleep with a light on.

Collide Jokes More Collide Jokes

What do you get when two giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam!

What happened when the Mrs. Smith's truck collided with the Tastykake truck?

Pyrex

Umbrella Jokes More Umbrella Jokes

What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

Why does Snoop Dawg need an umbrella??

Fo Drizzle.

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

What kind of ship never sinks?

A dictatorship. *sobs*

What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat?

Shipped beef!