Grocery Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

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Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Where do crows go to buy groceries?

Kroger

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

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What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

The GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?

A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?

Because the servers cannot be found

Why is the food so cold and bland?

Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What is not a truck crashing into people?

Nice.

When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?

Is unwise, apparently.

Freezer Jokes More Freezer Jokes

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why did Batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

Where do English prime-ministers take their kids on vacation?

Lourdes. Mother Theresa always goes there.

How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno, ask the Kids.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

Why is Pokemon Go Banned in Saudi Arabia?

Because not all Pokemon know selfdestruct.

Plastic Jokes More Plastic Jokes

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

Which is more environment-friendly: Facebook or r/jokes?

Facebook produces too much plastics while r/jokes has 100% recycling rate.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why does toilet paper need a commercial?

Who is not buying this

Where is the best place to buy computer software?

Washington C.D