Grocery Jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

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Where do farm animals get their groceries?

The pharmacy.

Where do crows go to buy groceries?

Kroger

How does a ninja shop for groceries?

No one knows.

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries?

Traitor Joe's.

Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

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What do you call a horse who likes to carry all the groceries?

A one trip pony

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where does the military commander buy his groceries?

The GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY

Where do safari animals buy their groceries?

From the supermeerkat

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What are your go to jokes?

I was at an event the other day and someone asked "So... anyone know any jokes?" What's everyone's "go to" joke in social situations?

When I was your age... When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what?

We were thankful.

People Jokes More People Jokes

Where do people go for pasta related crimes?

A PENNEtentiary!

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

Pre Jokes More Pre Jokes

What was the terrorist's pick up line?

Hey babe, I've got a large pipe bomb and I never pre-maturely detonate.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What do you call it when you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software?

Getting McCafe on McAfee

Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?

Scurvy

Crow Jokes More Crow Jokes

Whats the funniest type of bird?

Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy

Where do crows go to have fun?

A crowbar!

Michael Jackson Jokes More Michael Jackson Jokes

How do you tell Michael Jackson's age?

You put a color scale next to his face.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

American Jokes More American Jokes

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

What happened!?

The American responds, "Ei ffel".

Pharmacy Jokes More Pharmacy Jokes

Why did the monkey cross the road?

To loot the pharmacy on the other side

Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy?

In case you wake the sleeping pills!